When my husband was preparing to run his first marathon, our oldest daughter lived in Minneapolis and mapped the route. She found three spots where we could cheer for him. Our two daughters made a huge sign, and we positioned ourselves at spot No. 1. As he drew near, we yelled, “Go! Go! Daddy-o!” Not only did he grin, but so did the other runners. We raced to stops two and three, where our words seemed to give him a spring in his steps, even near the end.
Most people equate encouragement with cheering and spirited yelling. But spoken words can be much quieter and even more powerful.
Upon meeting me, some may get the idea I like “fancy” things. I wear dresses 85% of the time. I wear mostly gifted jewelry almost daily. But “fancy?” Nothing could be further from the truth. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like nice things. When it comes to my style, it’s welcoming and comfortable.
So, you’ll understand why two compliments years apart warm my heart. Seven years ago, my nephew visited with his new wife. She later told my sister, “Stepping into Roxy’s house feels like a hug.” (Her words held me tight.)
Two winters ago, my husband and I were settling into our small winter home in Arizona. After two young men delivered a piece of furniture, one stopped at the doorway, turned around and said to me, “I like your colors. This is a happy house.”
These unexpected affirmations make me aware how my love of beauty impacts others.
Many people told me the most encouraging things said to them were from their bosses at work. Who doesn’t like praise for a job well done? One man told me he grew up without a dad, so when a relative observed the business this man had built on his own, the words, “I’m proud of you,” were especially meaningful.
The stay-at-home mom told me her “job” often felt endless and thankless. She found affirmation from others commenting on her well-behaved and polite kids and from teachers commenting on their kindness to other classmates. And later, her now-grown children’s spouses commented on the character traits she worked hard to instill.
One young man said it made him love his job even more when kids expressed excitement they got him for a teacher.
Some words may not seem like encouragement at the time, but become powerful. Surprisingly, two women told me a similar story. “Lisa” said when she was going through a difficult time in her marriage, her best friend listened to her laments over and over for months. Finally, after hearing yet another round of the same angst, her friend said, “I can’t listen to you anymore. You keep saying the same things again and again and nothing changes. I’m done.”
“That hurt to hear, but it was the truth,” Lisa said. She realized nothing would change unless she did.
Here’s another unexpected affirmation someone shared with me. In high school, “Mark” played on a sports team in a key position which didn’t get much recognition or applause. The guys who made the points made the newspaper. Not many seemed to notice his important contributions to the team. After an awards banquet, where he and his parents politely applauded the players getting awards, Mark vented to his parents about how hard he worked all season. Just once, it would be nice if someone recognized his efforts.
He paused to take a shaky breath. He waited for the pep talk from his parents, expecting them to say the usual, “Keep hustling. Don’t let it get you down.” Instead, his parents shocked him by saying, “You got screwed!”
He told me, “It was the best thing they could have said to me. The fact they agreed with me somehow took away my anger. We went over my accomplishments, my contributions to the team. Their recognition was almost better than any plaque I might have received that night. That award would be in a dust-filled box now, but their words still lift me up when I feel unseen and unappreciated all these years later.”
My daughter, Tegan, told me this next sports-related story. She played a key role on her high school basketball team, but she definitely wasn’t a “shooter.” She was the person directing the plays as they drove down the court. One day, the coach commented, “Tegan, you’re my coach on the court.”
Fast-forward a few decades later. When I asked her about encouragement, that was the story she told me. Those words stuck with her throughout college and into her career. She realized she could be a leader in nearly every aspect of her life. “Coach Tegan” is now getting her doctorate and continues to carry those encouraging words with her.
What about you? What words have encouraged you or what words could you say that would lift those around you?
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Roxanne (Roxy) Henke likes to pass out compliments like candy. You can reach her at roxannehenke@gmail.com. This is part two of a six-part encouragement series.
